Old Habits

I've been thinking about this since Sunday. Here it is the 2nd week of Jan and I still haven't changed some things that I wanted to change. So on Monday I dug in my heels for a new resolve and asked myself how I was going to make it better. It also occurred to me how comfortable it is to keep going the same exact way that you're used to, even when it isn't working for you! Crazy!

I used to think I was pretty adaptable to things, and I guess I am still adaptable, maybe it's the motivation level that has changed. Maybe a lower self esteem or image. Maybe it's all that telling myself I will fail miserably at anything I try. Well I know I can sit on my couch. I know I can eat and gain weight. I know I can be unhappy with myself for not doing things that I want to do.

I mean really, do you know how humiliating it is to go on a vacation with your wife (who now prefers to be called princess, by the way) and she wants to do a zipline. Zipline sounds like fun, but when she mentioned it the very first thought was a picture in my head of me starting down the thing, and the line *snaps* because of my size, and there I go flying off into some South American jungle never to be found again, and maybe even eaten by an anaconda or something.

Now I've had therapy. That change was difficult and uncomfortable, but I got through it and I am a better person for it. This is physical so it should be easier. So for now I'm gonna run with, change is hard but, I will be an even better person for it. Be uncomfortable. Be unsure. Be fearful even. But do, and do, and do, until I get it right. Or maybe it won't even be right, but it will be better.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, princess and I have an appointment with a personal trainer tomorrow to evaluate us. It's a start. And it gets a least one foot moving in the right direction. I'll let you know how it goes.