Tue 13 Apr 10 Home Repairs

I've been crazy hard on myself today. At least that's what princess said. I tried to do laundry today and when I went down to put them in the dryer, I found my basement had flooded...again. It didn't look like it wanted to drain either. Now I know there is a problem with the pipe that goes out of my house and runs along beside the house to the front of the yard. But I just haven't had the money to get it fixed. I mean it's not like I was procrastinating on it, I just didn't have it.

So as I'm standing there staring at this water in my basement, wishing it away; I kept thinking if I close my eyes and then open them again, it will all be gone! But no, it didn't work that way. Again, as I'm standing there staring at this water in my basement I realize the time has come whether I have the money or not. I told princess the situation all the while choking back tears, mustering up the courage to call Roto Rooter, and swallowing hard quite a few times so that I could talk to them without having a meltdown.

The call didn't go as badly as what I had thought it was going to go. It seems the first step in this process is to have them come out and run a camera through my pipe. Get your heads out of the gutter, it's not near as dirty as it sounds, or is it? LOL Get it, dirt, pipe, yard. Anyway, get back on track here. To run the camera through the pipe costs 250.00 dollars. Yes, you heard right. I mean, immediately I offered that, Hey! I have a camera and would be more than willing to send him the pictures that I took myself, knowing I would only have to pay the postage price of the cd with the downloaded pictures. But guess what, it just doesn't work that way. lol They insisted they must do it themselves. FINE! If you must!

If only it ended there. But then we have to find out if it's just a repair that's needed or, dun dun duuuuunnnnnnnnt! If the whole 95 foot pipe needs to be replaced. YIKES! That sounds like money! I won't know what needs to be done or how much it's going to cost me until they run the camera. So now I have to pick a date for them to do just that. But I want it to be a good date, something important, because depending on the answer it could very well be the last day of my life! So dear gentle readers, if you don't hear from me again then you will know that upon hearing the news I fell out right in the middle of my own yard.

Ahhhhhh, poor princess! Just know I loved ya hunny!

So back to the first sentence. For the rest of the afternoon I spent it belittling myself for not being in a better place financially. For not being able to just pick up the phone and have them rush right out. For having to figure out how to come up with this money. For not being able to take care of my family. For the weather. For the dust that has gathered in the corners of the room. For one of my cats being silver instead of the black, and black and white theme we have going with the other two. For the grass being green. Whatever! Whatever I could possibly think of, it was totally my fault and I blamed myself for it not being better.

But then right before I had to be all grown up again and go to work, I got my head on right and put everything back in perspective, and realized that in fact it is NOT my fault that the grass is green. :-) And I got a hug from princess, which always makes everything in life better!

Sat 3 Apr 10 A Glimpse of Life with Princess

Okay, so I can't believe how time gets away from me. Then it's like 2 weeks since the last time I said anything. First off it's Easter weekend, or Ostara weekend. And what a beautiful weekend it is! But it turned out I had to work. I've been taking little walks outside while I'm working to try and soak up some of the sun. These are the times I ask myself, why don't I live in the Caribbean somewhere? Then I would have sun most of the time. Anyway the extra money will be very good! So I'm grateful for the work.

My workouts are getting really good and the food is getting better. We're buying more food and princess is cooking more. My trainer just said they want to step up the program. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I'm in. I bought a bike. This should be an interesting experience. I don't think I've been on a bike since I was a kid, late teens at the latest. So I guess the first thing I will do is go to the flattest area possible and see if there is any balance left in me. Hopefully princess won't sneak out there with video camera and get it all on film. Although something that tragic might just go viral. Maybe I should re-think the video. LOL

I have been feeling really great lately. More energy, more...something. I really don't know how to name it right now. But damn I feel good! I don't know if it's because Winter is over and Spring is here. I don't know exactly what it is but I like it. Maybe it's because the last kid moved out a few months ago and now we have the house all to ourselves. lol Who knows? What I do know is I'm gonna keep riding the wave until it spills me.

While I sit here at work and write about my boring life, princess is out yard-sailing. Something you may not know about princess is she has a problem with empty spaces. lol It's not really a conscious thing for her. It just is. I clean the table off, come back later to find a purse, keys, and old mail or something. I clean off the stand beside her side of the couch, come back to find it filled with magazines or books. I guess seeing a nice, shiny, clean area exposed for too long is just way too much for her to handle, and I imagine it must scream at her until she can no longer hold back, and so she promptly fills the space to ease the maniacal voices in her head. Because I am thinking, ah, the place is looking fresh and clean, no clutter, ah it looks great. And then as I'm looking over my hard work it becomes, WHAT THE HELL!

Well the other day I got an old freezer out of the house that's been needing to go for a while, and she had cleaned in child 3's room to get some of his stuff out of there, and I have gotten some old junk out of my office. So, voila! the voices are screaming again and she's off! Right now she is out at other peoples house's going through the crap they are trying to get rid of, so she can bring their crap to fill/clutter our house. Mind you, I've been talking about "cleaning out" the house, and every time I do...you get the picture. :-D

Understand princess and I have been together for a long time so while I'm writing this I am grinning and laughing to myself. But I think I have come to understand, even though it is so not what I want, that my house will never be cleaned out. It will be merely a place where clutter moves through, morphs, and gets replaced. When she gets tired of this clutter then we'll get rid of it and bring in new clutter.

I guess this means to live with her means to live without any available counter or table or whatever space. I need two houses. HA!

I love you so much baby!