Cinco de Mayo!

Wow! So much going on. I have decided the reason I don't write more on here is because I think some of it is really too personal and I'm afraid who is going to read it. I'm not sure what else to say about that. But I do tend to treat this as more of a diary than a blog that others can read, and that is very, or feels very exposing sometimes. When I opened this today I realized I had written 3 drafts that I never sent. Oh well. I'm sure I'll work through whatever. 


So, one thing is I've been seeing a personal trainer. I have lost 53lbs. Yesterday when I saw her she said I should change my profile picture on facebook because I looked thinner now. That was a great thing to hear from your trainer! So now I have to find the camera and do just that. She said I had all my before pictures and now I needed some in-between. 


School is fixing to end and I've got that summer fever already. Trying to hold it together for 4 more weeks. You know, it's funny how this sparks a reaction in me as if I was still in school and I was about to be out until Fall. I would think as an adult you would have a different reaction, but no! I am excited too! lol 


Jeri just got a promotion at her work. She will now be working in the field that she has been going to school for! Also very exciting news. It will be a very good thing for us, and I'm very excited for her in her career prospects! 


Other than that things are good. I've been dreaming crazy dreams again. My therapist said I needed to keep a book by the bed and write them down. But I haven't been very good at doing that. However, I still can remember them, so does that mean I need to write them down. lol Yeah, I probably do. I think it would read like a Stephen King novel though, maybe even Clive Barker. Whatever. 


So this is all for now. I'll think about putting the dreams up here soon. 

23 Dec 11--Sad news

We got a call day before yesterday saying my wife's grandmother had passed. She was 94 and had lived a very full life. But the news is sad all the same. It looks like the funeral won't be until Tuesday, after Christmas. So we'll be doing a little something here for the kids and going to our youngest sons house for Christmas Day. I guess Monday we'll go to Macon Georgia, I'm not sure where we're staying yet, and the funeral will be Tuesday. Keep Jeri in your hearts/prayers/thoughts at this time. She is having a hard time but is very thankful that she got her grandmother for as long as she did.

20 Dec 11 Last day of school before Christmas break

Today I start my Christmas vacation. I thought this would be a great time to renew my efforts of attempting a blog. I really do have funny stories, especially from my kids on the bus, and they should be shared. Shouldn't they?

Most recently "they" opened a new school and "they" decided, in their infinite wisdom, that the high school buses should share with the elementary school. Instead of just giving us extra on top of our already established routes, they figured it would be best to completely change everybody's route: new areas, new kids, and in my case, new bus. Also, remember I mentioned infinite wisdom, they decided we should try out these new routes a day and a half before Christmas break.

Let me explain "day and a half". Monday morning I would do my regular route, same as always. That afternoon I would begin my new route, thus the half. Tuesday I would run my new route both AM and PM.

Now all we had to go on were the computer-generated routes that were supposed directions. LOL Seriously, I do mean supposed! I am normally good with directions. My wife will tell you I can get us out of most all situations where being lost would be an issue even before the invention of GPS. But these directions were so bad and so confusing that I have been lost, that's right, lost in neighborhoods where I am supposed to be picking up kids. Parents have been running after my bus and saying, "I took my kid to school because I thought we missed you." That's how late and how lost I have been. LOL

Finally today after my morning run I came home and freaking google mapped my area so at the very least I could see the layout of the area. It did help. Google map wins out over the division of route makers at the school system HQ. LOL Hey, whatever--it did help. And now I get about two weeks off and I get to forget everything I have sweated over learning for a day and a half.

Ahhhh, joy. I do miss my other kids and I know they miss me. Everyday I've seen them standing out there waiting on their new bus and they all wave at me and grin real big. But I think I've got good kids on this new route, too. I had one girl tell me today that I needed my own stand-up comedy gig. I had to laugh. One and a half days and kids are already saying, "I think I'm going to like this new bus driver." Maybe I have a pied piper's touch! B-D

Wed 27July 11

Well, I know summer is coming to an end because I got a letter in the mail yesterday about when I'm supposed to go to meetings for the new school year. But, lucky me, I get one last trip to the beach before the year begins. I feel pretty fortunate about the beach this year. We went to Atlantic beach, NC in April. We went to Daytona Beach, FL just last week, and on the way home stopped by St. Augustine Beach. And next week we're going to a small town called Metter. It's about an hour away from Savannah and after we push through there we hit Tybee Island, GA. I'm excited about it.

If I admit it to anyone, or myself, I'm kinda excited about school starting back as well. I had some good kids last year and I hope that continues this year. I am liking working in the school system too. I mean it has its perks with holidays and all.

We fenced in the back yard of our house this summer. Our dogs love it. I'm loving it too. I'm looking forward to using our yard more.

That's it for now. I'll keep you in touch about our Metter/Savannah/Tybee trip.

14 June 11 Tuesday - Project House

So, school ended on the 10th of June. I took the weekend and did nothing. Yesterday I started Project House. Now if you know Jeri and I then you know this needs to be done in stages. LOL First stage is cleaning normal stuff (everyday stuff) and putting stuff away, be it a place it needs to go, some body's home (that is not mine), or trash. With all that 'stuff' in the previous sentence I feel like I'm in a Snapple commercial. lol "Healthy green tea, tasty black tea."

Anyway, laundry is almost done. I will probably finish tomorrow. The floors are all swept and kept swept. We have hardwood so it needs sweeping all the time. Various items have found their home and some have found their way to the street for trash. The vents for various wall units have all been cleaned. The couches were vacuumed and luggage put away. Well I'm sure you don't want to hear all the nasty details, but you get the picture.

Now there is something I knew about my wife but I really get to realize it first hand as I'm cleaning. If she puts something down upon entry to the house, then that is where that thing will live forever more, or until I move it. Also she has a most irritating habit of leaving, um, say, mail that is meant to be thrown away, on the counter. Okay for the most part but I would like to say, on the counter RIGHT NEXT to the garbage can. I asked her one day why she couldn't make it the next step or two that it would take to actually put that mail in the garbage can. We laughed about it although I've yet to hear a really good explanation. Funny what quirks we pick up with each other after having lived together for 17 years.

Our house also needs repairs. That falls under huge projects and we'll get to them as the money just rolls on in, because you know we're drowning in it, money that is. Ahhahahahahaha Sorry I had to take a moment.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I realized I could sit on the couch for the whole summer and not do a thing, but that is not how I choose to live my life. I was wondering what I could do for 2 months off. Of course I'll visit mom and others, but in between the visits-what to do? Jeri said she would be more than happy to supply me with a daily list. lol At that thought I started making my own list of how to stay busy during my summer.

Now, where's the pool! :{D

Middle School Concert

Okay, so sometimes I forget to blog because I have a status on fb, and then fb freaks out and posts go missing or whatever. Then I remember this blog. lol So I'm back again.

As some of you already know I am now driving a school bus for High and Middle School kids. This is a quite and experience and can be a different experience every day almost. lol I am lucky I have some good kids, and for some reason they really like me. I'm happy about that. But I do have to say, when I started this job, that is what I thought it would be-a job. But those kids kinda get under your skin a bit, and you kinda get attached to them.

I don't really want to be liking them that much, because they start asking you to do things like go to their chorus concert. Which one did. And I did. Jeri said I must. She said it was important to the kids. Okay! I went. So did Jeri. Where we sat there were 2 men and a woman sitting behind us. All of a sudden one man starts talking very loudly, very loudly, about his buddy putting a bottle between his legs and "pissing in the bottle". I think I might have mentioned this was at a Middle School event.

As he is talking, very loudly, about this Jeri kinda turns toward him and looks in his direction. And then we hear his buddy proclaim, "Some people better find their own business to mind." Seriously! LOL I was torn between beating some redneck ass and laughing so hard as to bust a gut.

The end result was we ignored their stupid selves. Maybe the woman said something to them because they did shut up. Jeri did look at me and say, "I'm not redneck enough to respond." Crazy stuff! LOL

28 May 11

17 Mar 11 St. Paddy's Day

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Tried to talk the wife into drinking green beer with me tonight in celebration. She said beer didn't have no right being green in the first place. Well, that made me laugh the same way it did the first year we were together and she said the same thing about the same celebration. She just doesn't believe food coloring should mar her beer in any way, shape, or form. So there ya have it.

As you've heard I tried to run. Unfortunately it showed me everything that I had let just fall by the wayside. Fortunately it has me determined to not be that person. For a while I never wanted to grow old, gracefully or otherwise, as the saying goes. But lately I think growing old/er is okay. Certainly I've learned a whole lot from this life and I am quite sure the lessons are not over. But I don't want to be old and decrepit. I want to be old/er and just as full of life as I ever was.

So about the running. I was having a really hard time. No, I mean really hard. Lots of pain involved. But I also really wanted to do this. So I made adjustments. I am no longer doing the couch to 5k thing. But I am walking on my treadmill and around the neighborhood. I am at about 3 times a week right now. My goal is to do at least 5 times a week, and to work my way up to running again. I'll let you know the progress.

In other news...I have applied at a college here with the hopes of joining their Physical Therapy Assistant program. Everything is almost in place and if all goes well they will accept me. I've thought about this for some time now and I'm making it a reality instead of just something I'm thinking about. I have another test to take and I need to do some observations for the school to move me up in priority. All that is being put into place so hopefully I will make it in.

That's about it for now I think.

2 Mar 11 Running

So much stuff has been happening in my life let me tell ya. So Jeri, aka Princess, has decided it's high time we, WE, engage in act-tiv-it-tees! In the last month she has joined a hiking group, weight watchers, and encouraged/signed us up for a couch to 5K running thing. (All of which she wants me to join in on.) She also wears this thing on her shoe that tells how far she's walked. And has decided that not only hers but my eating habits need to change. Needless to say I'm kinda reeling and wondering what is going to happen to my cozy spot I've dug out on the couch?

So, being game and loving my wife I decide, yes! I will do the couch to 5K thing. I used to love to run, and this will be a good thing, you know, getting up and moving. Well! First off let me say, I think I'm gonna die. I mean not really, but good god! So I get out there on the first week and it's a run one minute walk one minute type of thing. I'm just not sure you can call what I did running or jogging, or even trotting at that point. Just maybe a pick up one foot and animate my body to look as if it were running, you know, in slow motion, or maybe even still pictures might be a better description. The fine display of cinematography in the first stages of silent pictures comes to mind as far as my movements on the track.

In reality part of me is like WTH! I used to be able to move this body with little or no effort. And another, possibly bigger, part of me is like WTH! How? When? What? And then I realize that maybe, just maybe, my wonderful wife fears for the future. Not our future of gracefully growing old together but the one where maybe one of us (me) is not around. Not around sooner than expected. I don't want to put words into her mouth but, well just but.

So guess what! My lard ass is out there humiliating myself for all to see. I want to be able to do everything that we should be doing and doing it together. I will put my pride aside to do what is necessary to be able to do everything that we want to do together. I know for me I couldn't stand that thought of losing her. I sure don't want her to have to suffer because I was the one that went first on something that could have been avoided.

(Did not re-read. Let me say now sorry for any typos or whatever could have been wrong.)

Fri 23 July 10

Still waiting to hear if Financial Aid has been processed, by the school, not by FASFA. I called the school and they said they got my paperwork on June 18th. I'm hoping it happens soon because final date for payment is Aug 6. I'm holding out for hope! We'll see. Worst case is I have to pay something but will be refunded by FA.

I'm working this weekend again. I hate to work every single day but I do need the money. I got me a new travel dvd player. I think it's pretty nice. Hopefully it will make some time pass, like the 12 hours I'll be spending tomorrow and on Sunday. lol

Princess is loving her job, and I'm loving that for her! I love it when she is so happy. I'm really praying that this becomes permanent for her. We won't know for weeks though. So we have lots of time to pray. lol

So that's about it. I wanna go out and buy all new school stuff; notebooks, pens, pencils, bookbag, whatever. Just new school stuff. I love it. Weird I'm sure, but hey.

Wed 21 July 10

Well, I'm all registered for Fall. One leg of my journey is going to be starting in less than a month. Princess started a temp job that might turn into permanent. And really that would be a great thing because where she's temping is a Hospital that has really good benefits and the hours are perfect for her and her temperament. We are on a roll right now. Things are going really good for us. The one bad thing is I am working 7 days a week right now and because of our schedules we don't see each other during the week. But it will all pay off in the end!

Still having crazy freaking dreams. Maybe I'll post one of them here. Just don't really know how to describe them...and god knows what they will revel. Some I would have a hard time saying out loud. I still wonder, all the time really, why I dream so vividly. I believe it must be for a reason, it must have some meaning. I've done it all my life. Where are the answers to these dreams? Why do I have to dream them? What meaning do they hold, for me or others?

Sun 18 July 10

I’m at work again. I hate this post. It’s so very boring. Cleaning guys are here but they don’t offer any entertainment. However they are working on the floors so I can’t make rounds because I have to stay off the floors. Fine by me!

I was having another crazy dream but Princess came in to make sure I was awake for work and it all flew out of my head before I could fully remember it. Oh well. Maybe it will come back as the day goes on, since I really have nothing else to do. I can’t get internet here so I can’t even use this time on that.

Rambling, sorry, I just really don’t want to be here today. And I think I will have to do this post next weekend also. UGH! Although Princess reminded me it is Bele Chere here in fair Asheville. So do I say I’m busy I can’t work or do I get the money??? Hmmmmm Let’s see, need the money but its Bele Chere. I’m gonna have to think on this one. Or maybe the guy who is supposed to be here will stop calling out and he can work his own post and then my decision is made.

I thought of something else about our cruise. Like I said at some point I hurt my leg, pulled a muscle or something I don’t know, but it was hurting really badly so I went to the infirmary so they could wrap it. After doing so the nurse (who kinda scared me a little) said I should not leave the cabin. I should fully rest the leg and only hobble to the bathroom. Um, I am on a cruise, this is the last day, I’m not fixing to spend it in my room. The only way she would give me a pass is if I stayed in a wheelchair and didn’t walk. UGH!

I can only say now I know for a fact that I have to stay fit and healthy. Princess about killed half the people on the ship by her lack of driving a wheelchair skills. Might I say she even ran over a poor little girl’s foot and then, in front of her dad, said, “If it makes you feel any better I ran over my own foot earlier”. Which she did but I highly doubt it made the little girl, or the dad for that matter, feel any better at all. LOL She ran me into walls, door jams, and like I said people. She would also pull up somewhere and just let me roll to a stop so I got rammed into tables or whatnot. She almost dumped me out one time. It was like anytime she started to push me she was all of a sudden in some kind of race that nobody else knew about. She had to go as fast as possible and plow down whoever got in the way. Old ladies and small children were at peril! LOL So as embarrassing as it was to be in the damned chair it was made even worse with Princess at the helm. God, I love her!

Funny but very true story. I could not make this up.

Sat 17 July 10

I realized the other day that I haven’t written anything in forever, so here I am. A lot has happened and I’m not sure where to begin. I had a birthday. Our youngest son had a birthday. Princess lost her job the first of June and still doesn’t have another one, which is kinda okay with me. I like her at home. But, we need money, so until I can make enough where she doesn’t have to work then, eh, ya know, work it is.

I’ll be starting school in a few weeks. Yay! Glad to finally be getting underway with that. But it also means I’ll have the equivalent of two full time jobs. Just one of them I won’t be getting paid for…yet! Lol And we just got back from a cruise! It wasn’t long enough but we had a blast all the same. It was a family cruise on Princess’ side. I got to spend some time with some of her cousins we don’t normally see and they are something else! I loved getting to know them. Lots and lots of fun!

We spent one day in Cozumel. Love that place. Of course we had to spend the morning shopping. I thought Princess was going to have a nervous breakdown trying to keep everybody together. But it all worked out. I passed the shopping hours with free Tequila shots. No really, it does help. Especially when you’d rather be at the beach already! Later we went to Playa Uvas. It is a great way to spend the day in Cozumel. For a price you get all you can drink, snorkeling, some food, messages, pool and ocean, and all you can drink. Did I say that already? And when I say all you can drink I mean I don’t think I had an empty glass. At some point I pulled a muscle in my leg and it was killing me by the time we got to Playa Uvas so I did not snorkel this time. Very disappointing! But Princess got some good pictures. If I learn how to put pictures up on here I might even post some.

So, it’s Saturday and I’m at work. Sigh. I am thankful for the extra money. I am thankful for the extra money. I am thankful…well, you get the idea. I will be thankful when I can make good money without all the extra work! Hence school. I am just going to look at it as every extra hour I work is an extra dollar for another cruise. I’d rather do that than think about what bills need to be paid. Lol Thankfully my job is not hard, but I do have to work at not being bored. I hate to be bored, it just seems to make the hours longer. Oh well, I’m not complaining. It’s easy money. And everything is overtime. But as I sit here I think of everything that needs to be done at the house. LOL

Speaking of house, it’s coming along. We got my office cleaned out and Princess’ office set up to her liking. There is still so much to do but we’re getting there. Maybe I should use the extra money for house repairs, but it always never seems to be enough. Why are house repairs so danged expensive?

I guess I’ve rambled enough. I’ll try to do much better about writing. It seems I have so much to say when it’s in my head. It’s the getting it to paper part that’s the problem. Lol I could write more on my dreams. God knows I’ve had some doozys lately. OH! And one more thing, I had to have my suit pants taken in at the waist…7 inches! Yay! And I can wear 2x shirts now instead of 3x. I would like to do more between now and Dec than I did from Jan to July. So, raise ‘em up. Here’s to the 2^nd half of the year and losing it!

Tue 13 Apr 10 Home Repairs

I've been crazy hard on myself today. At least that's what princess said. I tried to do laundry today and when I went down to put them in the dryer, I found my basement had flooded...again. It didn't look like it wanted to drain either. Now I know there is a problem with the pipe that goes out of my house and runs along beside the house to the front of the yard. But I just haven't had the money to get it fixed. I mean it's not like I was procrastinating on it, I just didn't have it.

So as I'm standing there staring at this water in my basement, wishing it away; I kept thinking if I close my eyes and then open them again, it will all be gone! But no, it didn't work that way. Again, as I'm standing there staring at this water in my basement I realize the time has come whether I have the money or not. I told princess the situation all the while choking back tears, mustering up the courage to call Roto Rooter, and swallowing hard quite a few times so that I could talk to them without having a meltdown.

The call didn't go as badly as what I had thought it was going to go. It seems the first step in this process is to have them come out and run a camera through my pipe. Get your heads out of the gutter, it's not near as dirty as it sounds, or is it? LOL Get it, dirt, pipe, yard. Anyway, get back on track here. To run the camera through the pipe costs 250.00 dollars. Yes, you heard right. I mean, immediately I offered that, Hey! I have a camera and would be more than willing to send him the pictures that I took myself, knowing I would only have to pay the postage price of the cd with the downloaded pictures. But guess what, it just doesn't work that way. lol They insisted they must do it themselves. FINE! If you must!

If only it ended there. But then we have to find out if it's just a repair that's needed or, dun dun duuuuunnnnnnnnt! If the whole 95 foot pipe needs to be replaced. YIKES! That sounds like money! I won't know what needs to be done or how much it's going to cost me until they run the camera. So now I have to pick a date for them to do just that. But I want it to be a good date, something important, because depending on the answer it could very well be the last day of my life! So dear gentle readers, if you don't hear from me again then you will know that upon hearing the news I fell out right in the middle of my own yard.

Ahhhhhh, poor princess! Just know I loved ya hunny!

So back to the first sentence. For the rest of the afternoon I spent it belittling myself for not being in a better place financially. For not being able to just pick up the phone and have them rush right out. For having to figure out how to come up with this money. For not being able to take care of my family. For the weather. For the dust that has gathered in the corners of the room. For one of my cats being silver instead of the black, and black and white theme we have going with the other two. For the grass being green. Whatever! Whatever I could possibly think of, it was totally my fault and I blamed myself for it not being better.

But then right before I had to be all grown up again and go to work, I got my head on right and put everything back in perspective, and realized that in fact it is NOT my fault that the grass is green. :-) And I got a hug from princess, which always makes everything in life better!

Sat 3 Apr 10 A Glimpse of Life with Princess

Okay, so I can't believe how time gets away from me. Then it's like 2 weeks since the last time I said anything. First off it's Easter weekend, or Ostara weekend. And what a beautiful weekend it is! But it turned out I had to work. I've been taking little walks outside while I'm working to try and soak up some of the sun. These are the times I ask myself, why don't I live in the Caribbean somewhere? Then I would have sun most of the time. Anyway the extra money will be very good! So I'm grateful for the work.

My workouts are getting really good and the food is getting better. We're buying more food and princess is cooking more. My trainer just said they want to step up the program. I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I'm in. I bought a bike. This should be an interesting experience. I don't think I've been on a bike since I was a kid, late teens at the latest. So I guess the first thing I will do is go to the flattest area possible and see if there is any balance left in me. Hopefully princess won't sneak out there with video camera and get it all on film. Although something that tragic might just go viral. Maybe I should re-think the video. LOL

I have been feeling really great lately. More energy, more...something. I really don't know how to name it right now. But damn I feel good! I don't know if it's because Winter is over and Spring is here. I don't know exactly what it is but I like it. Maybe it's because the last kid moved out a few months ago and now we have the house all to ourselves. lol Who knows? What I do know is I'm gonna keep riding the wave until it spills me.

While I sit here at work and write about my boring life, princess is out yard-sailing. Something you may not know about princess is she has a problem with empty spaces. lol It's not really a conscious thing for her. It just is. I clean the table off, come back later to find a purse, keys, and old mail or something. I clean off the stand beside her side of the couch, come back to find it filled with magazines or books. I guess seeing a nice, shiny, clean area exposed for too long is just way too much for her to handle, and I imagine it must scream at her until she can no longer hold back, and so she promptly fills the space to ease the maniacal voices in her head. Because I am thinking, ah, the place is looking fresh and clean, no clutter, ah it looks great. And then as I'm looking over my hard work it becomes, WHAT THE HELL!

Well the other day I got an old freezer out of the house that's been needing to go for a while, and she had cleaned in child 3's room to get some of his stuff out of there, and I have gotten some old junk out of my office. So, voila! the voices are screaming again and she's off! Right now she is out at other peoples house's going through the crap they are trying to get rid of, so she can bring their crap to fill/clutter our house. Mind you, I've been talking about "cleaning out" the house, and every time I do...you get the picture. :-D

Understand princess and I have been together for a long time so while I'm writing this I am grinning and laughing to myself. But I think I have come to understand, even though it is so not what I want, that my house will never be cleaned out. It will be merely a place where clutter moves through, morphs, and gets replaced. When she gets tired of this clutter then we'll get rid of it and bring in new clutter.

I guess this means to live with her means to live without any available counter or table or whatever space. I need two houses. HA!

I love you so much baby!

Fri 19 Mar 10

Warning: This kinda turned political at the end. Didn't expect it. It's just what came out.

Wow! What a beautiful day! Finally! It was getting to the point where I was beginning to think Winter would never end. HA! We've got you in our grips now 'Ol Man Winter! Your time is ending, and I say thank God! So, to cover my week...

Last weekend, princess and I went to a benefit for local arts. We had a great time! We drank some really good Scottish beer. There was a silent auction and we got some great art for our home. Very exciting. If I figure out how to do pictures here I will show you. lol

This week at the gym was gerrrrrr-ate! Got to bed at decent hours and, ya know, I wasn't so tired getting up to go. Two people this week have told me they are seeing changes, aaaaaannnd princess is continuing to see changes as well. We've done really good on food the last couple of weeks and I think that has helped. Thank god for princess and the fact that she can make healthy food taste good. Cuz y'all know I'm all about things that taste good! I'm really feeling my body and it feels good. No funny comments about the last sentence. lol Oh I have a funny story. I can be a real dummy sometimes...So I'm on the bike thingy at the gym and I notice the heart rate isn't reading right. I am staying in the 75-77 rpm range but the heart rate reads only 135. Before heart rate has always been 150 something to 160 something. So like the dummy I am I start tapping on the the monitor. The trainer comes over and I say I don't think this thing is working right. My heart rate is always higher than this. Trainer says it's working right, maybe your heart is getting in better condition. This is what we want. HA! I laughed, trainer laughed. And I said, I'm such a dummy, I just thought this was reading wrong. Okay, maybe it's not as funny in the re-telling, but it was funny then. I mean, duh, of course the heart rate would be going down. That's what it's supposed to do. Anyway so you see progress is being made and I'm feeling really good about it.

So spring is trying to spring and our travel schedule is really starting to take off, and I'm loving it. So many things are gonna be good for us this year. Princess is doing good in school. I'm hoping that if all goes well I will be in school by the Fall. We are now alone in the house as the last child has moved out. Fun, fun, fun! And politically, wow! I've joined the Coffee Party and GetEQUAL. GetEqual is really important to me. Health is really important to me. I think there are some things that are taken for granted in the straight community and they just don't see the implications of their vote on others.

If the health reform passes then princess can get the help she needs. Right now she cannot be on my insurance, even though we are legally married. Our legal marriage only applies in certain states. Oh did I mention we've been together for 16 years! And I have to have documents stating that she is entitled to everything that we have built together in case something happens to me. Did you know if I was a man and we had a one night Vegas wedding she would be entitled to everything automatically! Jus' sayin'!

About GetEQUAL, big things happening. End DOMA, end DADT, end ENDA! It's time! It's our time! If I want to fight for my country I should be able to. Who I have a relationship with does not affect my ability to LOVE and fight for my Country! Princess should have every thing afforded her by marriage to me that others do. My marriage does not affect yours. If it does, something is wrong between y'all. And I should be able to work wherever and however in whatever position without fear of being fired if somebody should not like me being gay.

Whew! Didn't mean to go all there but...The reality is, I have a wife. I have bills. We've raised three kids. We worry about our future. We worry about our kids. We love our family. We love our Country. We have desires to be better. We want better for our kids and everyone. We are the same as everybody else in America. We live the same as everybody else in America. I pay the same taxes as everybody else. We love just as hard as everybody else.

There is more I could say but I will stop here. Just know it's been a really good week for me. Things are happening, physically, politically, emotionally, spiritually! It's a good time!

Tue 9 Mar 10

Today was a good day. When I was walking through the house, princess was behind me and said...wait for it..."you look smaller"!!! That is the first time she has noticed and commented on there being a difference in me. So, YAY! And that totally made up for her not buying bacon at the store today.

At the gym trainer 1 said my goal for you is to lift the heavy bar. I usually only hear about half of what is being said when in a crowd, so I said, oh do you want me to lift it now? And then I realized she had said it was a goal for me about the same time she said, yes, lift it. Okay so now I gotta lift it because everybody is looking at me. LOL Well I did lift it and when she had counted to ten she made another comment that, amazingly enough, I heard perfectly clear, and that was, "I know what you'll be doing tomorrow." I had an "oh shit" moment. But I'm sure everything will be fine tomorrow, right? Right?!

It was a beautiful sunny day and I got to spend some time in it. I went out in the yard and looked at our flowers that are starting to come up. Very nice! It felt so good to have the sun, not snow, on my skin for a change.

It hit me today that it seems I've really been reconnecting with my bios lately. And it's been okay. No, not just okay, it's been good. I think I might start going to more family functions and/or holiday stuff. I mean since we seem to be getting along so good and all. A piece of me is kinda waiting for the other shoe, but I am hopeful that times they are a changin'! Anyway for now I am loving the reconnect. I've really missed them!

I got some great advice from an aunt. She told me to not depend on anyone else to make me healthy among other things. Now, princess will be elated to hear this. And I do mean elated! Her main complaint is that I go to her for food. She wants me to be more involved in feeding myself. I however am quite content to continue to allow her to feed me! :D But I do see the point. Aunt also said she wanted to talk to me more often and, the best part, she told me a story about my other aunt, her sister! Apparently aunt 2 rode with aunt 1, and some others, and talked the entire 8 hour trip to Florida! haha Sounds just like her.

So like I said it's been a really good day. I feel very thankful today. Now let's see how thankful I feel tomorrow after the torture session with trainer 1.

Mon 8 Mar 10

This last weekend we went to Atlanta for a funeral and ended up having a really good time. I know that doesn't sound like something I should say but let me explain. Princess' oldest friend's mother died and she asked us if we would come to the funeral. The friend asked, not the dead mother. Of course we said yes. I got somebody to cover for me and I took off work. We got a hotel room through Priceline, so no refunds. We got out our "church" clothes, scraped up some cash and off we went. Before we left princess had sent her oldest friend a message saying we were on our way.

Now we really have been needing some time away just the two of us, and thought after the funeral we'll do, whatever, and spend some great time together relaxing. About an hour into the drive, maybe not even that long, oldest friend calls my phone because princess didn't answer hers. The first thing I hear is, "You're not headed this way are you?" I was a bit confused and blubbered, what? Oldest friend said if you are on your way here you need to turn around and go home! At this point I handed the phone to princess and waited. Come to find out, princess had the date wrong. Yeah! Funeral. Next Friday!

I had a good laugh at the thought of us showing up at the funeral home and saying, where is everybody? She really is late to her own funeral. You know, things like that. Wandering around room to room. Crashing any 'ol funeral that was available. So, here we are on the way, can't change anything because it's all been paid for, and having the reason why we were coming in the first place no longer the reason why we were still going. lol

Anyway, what I did get was...lots of good sleep. I felt more rested than I have in a long time. It really drove home how much better about going to bed I need to be, especially with the increased activity. I got to see my family. I was going to just have lunch with mom and then it turned out that she was supposed to be at my aunt's house with a whole bunch of my cousins and a few more aunts. So I got to see all them and had a great time. We got to do some shopping at the outlet mall and IKEA, princess' favorite. And best of all we got to spend some good time together! We even had one of those great heart to heart couple talks on the ride home. You know the kind that don't end in an argument and turns out to be really productive. I was happy about that.

And to start Monday off with a bang I had a crazy dream with 3 of my cousins in it. Yes the same three I saw on Saturday. I procrastinated a bit today but I did finally get on the treadmill and do the 30 mins I was supposed to do. I hope my trainers are proud. I will be going to the gym 3 times this week instead of 2, so we'll see how that goes. Princess is planning our meals out for the week. And, and, and it should be warm and spring-like all week. I am expecting this to be a great week.

2 March 10 Tue

Well, it's snowing a-freakin-gen! I know this is nothing compared to a whole bunch of people in the world, but I live in the south people! I was born in the south. I have lived my whole life in the south. I don't do snow every other day. My body is not ready for it. I'm not made for it. The first few times it's all cool and stuff but now, NO! It's pretty when it's falling but then I think I gotta go to work and actually be in this stuff, and, and, and it won't just disappear. It hangs around, for what seems like forever. It's the first of March in the south and it's snowing. That pretty much sums up my day. I will lean on the positive though. I refuse to be negative even though that's how I feel about this.

Positives: The snow won't last forever. It's supposed to be bright and shiny this weekend, and warmer. At least it's snowing on a work day. I am making changes. One great thing is I just looked at my calendar and realized I have a hair appointment this Friday, but I'm going to be in Atlanta this Friday. So I get to call ahead of time to change it and all this means my beautiful hair-doer (my word) won't kill me. :D

One funny thing that happened this weekend was I was talking and wanted to say monopolized, but instead said, are ya ready...monopulated! What a goob. haha Princess was in the back seat. She just leaned up, put her hands on my shoulders, and said, "Oh baby!", and then laughed her butt off. It was pretty funny! Okay, it's time to get ready for work now.

1 Mar 10 Mon

I had such a great weekend! I got to go home to Atlanta and as always it was wonderful. I got to hang out with some good friends. It was only for one night but much needed in this household! Princess and I got to spend some much needed time together, no school, no bills, just us. Very nice! We decided to remember that it is very important to take time out for us no matter what is going on. It was a good smack in the face.

After this weekend today is a somewhat lazy day. We have to unpack and do some things but trying to be lazy, still kinda tired from the whirlwind weekend. I wouldn't change a thing though. But it's time to get back to the real world. Time to start working out and going to work again. I'm ready though. I feel really good about the changes I've made due to working out. I had a couple of friends comment on it this weekend and that was a boost.

Talking about working out; My body has gone though, is going through so many changes. It's kinda crazy. I hurt in so many weird places, and feel good at the same time. But I am seeing changes! We had to do some walking while in Atlanta and I was worried about it, but I was barely breathing hard and I kept up with the others. I was surprised and impressed at the same time. This is working! This is working for me! Princess even saw that I had kept up and not breathing as hard as I used to. It was a great moment!

The pain, the weird muscle tics are all worth it. I just wanna do more now. I wanna get to my goal quickly. And I would be perfect and well on my way, if, if it wasn't for food. God! Food is gonna kill me I swear. I love food, I love good food. I want to eat whatever I want to eat, and I want to eat good! But I am not losing weight because of food. I am losing fat percentage, a very good thing, but I am not losing weight and that needs to go as well. So I have to make changes concerning food and that seems to be the hardest thing for me. I have lost 8% of fat in my core alone and yet, no weight loss. Damnit! I want my food!

Oh! Gods help me! I will make this work. I will do what I need to food wise. I will lose physical weight not just fat percentage. I will! Okay so there ya go. That's where I'm at for this week. Tomorrow work out day.

Who Knew?!

Okay, I am the first one to be sitting on the couch watching The Biggest Loser and think, what the hell is wrong with them? Why are they crying and carrying on like that? On freaking tv?! Weeeeellllllllll....

Who knew? Who freaking knew that deciding to change my body would be so emotional! All I wanted to do was lose weight and look good. Now this, this crazy, this...uuuhhhhhhhg. My trainer got me on the treadmill and very shortly after that I was breathing hard. To quickly I was breathing hard. Also I didn't want to let go of the sides. Trainer wanted me to but when I did I felt wobbly and like I was gonna go flying off the back into the nearest wall. And when I explained this to trainer, who is like half my size, she sweetly says, I'll catch you. I'll catch you! HA! Yeah, she'll catch me! I could see the headlines now...trainer crushed under weight of flying trainee! Of course I wasn't going flying but, anyway, point is I kept grabbing the sides to keep myself towards the front of the treadmill. Then I realized two things, I was afraid and embarassed. And then, the dreaded, feeling like crying. Then the embarassment got worse because I was like, there is no way in hell I am crying in this gym in front of these people!

So I pulled myself together and finished the workout, which went fine, but got me to thinking. I am afraid to be hot and sweat. I don't want my heart to race. The only thing I can relate that back to is when I first started having high blood pressure problems I would get really hot, sweat and my heart would race. I didn't know what it was at the time and it was scary. I went to the doctor, found out it was high blood pressure and I got medication. But basically I stopped doing anything that mimicked that icky feeling. If I did anything that made me breathe hard I would stop. That was a few years ago and now it has manifested to I just can't do it. On top of everything I just said, a few years ago my mother had a stroke and then I became really fearful of anything that sped up my heart because I didn't want to have a stroke either. And my mother was constantly asking me to get my heart checked. Didn't help.

So I hope everybody is catching the irony here. Yep, that's it. Stopping moving was pretty much guaranteeing that if I was gonna have a stroke this would speed up the process. I gained more weight. It also became harder to do vacations with princess. It became hard to do most anything. I can't tell you when the last time I mowed the grass was. Princess does it or I have my son do it. I even stopped, as much as I could, carrying things to and from the basement. My back started hurting. My knees started hurting. Ugh, see, right there, that one, that's me. The one madly spinning toward the drain hole. The end result is I breathe hard when doing things, even light things.

And that is all the physical. Mentally, emotionally, whatever, my self esteem dropped. I didn't want to do anything because people would have to see me. If I did go anywhere I always worried about not having clothes that fit, or that I thought I looked good in. I was always talking bad about myself in my head, telling myself that is what the other people were thinking. Can we say projecting? lol Hey! I just realized I'm talking about this in past tense! Hmmmm I didn't think this stuff was in the past. I thought I was still dealing with it, but I'll run with it. :D

So, positives for the day, after almost crying at the gym, uh, how horrifying! Positives: I walked 15 mins on the treadmill without falling off and only partially hanging on. I realized some fears and embarrassment that I had. faced it and pushed through it. I realized that I was talking about some negatives about myself in past tense. And I benched 145 lbs.!

All in all, even with the near tears, it was a great day at the gym! I am a Muscle Machine baby! Yeah! (okay, I know, over the top...again) 8{D